Just When You Think…

Published by

Nova

January 30, 2018

I’m not OK. Thought I was, but nope.

I went on a date the other night. My first real date in a very long time. He’s a writer/historian, speaks Spanish, is a professional traveler. On paper, my ideal man. In person, a really nice guy, fun to talk to, not too hard on the eyes. Overall, the date was not a disaster. There was no chemistry, but that wasn’t what I was after. I just wanted proof that there might be one or two decent human beings out there, and that my taste in men is not too far fetched. I was proven right. I have a chance at this one day.

But in the meantime, I don’t think I’ll be going on any more dates. I found that hour and a half of chatting with a stranger to be utterly exhausting, and I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since. I don’t want to make smalltalk. I want to share silence. I don’t want to hold my coffee and nod and agree. I want to hold your hand and feel our energy swirl together. I want to slow dance in the kitchen. I want to give you a foot rub when you get off of work. I want to curl up in your arms when I’m feeling lost and small. I don’t want to come home to someone. I want to come home to you.

So yeah, not OK. We’re not even talking. You’re just a blank page and a blinking cursor now. I hope that I didn’t just imagine you. I’ve felt a lot of different empties in my life, but I’m pretty sure this is the worst.

3 responses to “Just When You Think…”

merakimusingsblog

January 30, 2018

You are so much more than okay. 💕

Reply
lange1

January 31, 2018

Oh dear, I know that feeling. After all, one’s own company doesn’t seem to be the worst.
Hugs

Reply
momsthetruth

February 1, 2018

Hugs. One day at a time.

Reply

I’m Nova

I have no “personal brand.” I’m not a girl boss, I’m not an influencer, and I don’t aspire to be powerful, inspiring, or rich. I probably can’t teach you anything, and there’s a good chance that there’s nothing at all of interest or use to you here. This is just where I come to talk about the random bits and pieces that make up my quiet life as a sober woman in her 40s. I’m engaged to the love of my life, have six (yes, SIX) indoor pets, and spend a lot of time gardening and hunting for thrift treasures. I also study classical voice (I’m a lyric coloratura soprano) and am deeply interested in all things spiritual and paranormal. Right now I’m trying to recover from career burnout and even out my personal energy, but my eventual goal is to become a medium and shamanic healer, using music to remind humans of the things that actually matter: connection, community, and loving all living things as though they were our own children. I may or may not talk about all of these things here (and sometimes all at once). Welcome!

Compass & Quill