I’m having a really tough day. My period’s about to start, and I haven’t slept a lot in the last 48 hours, so it really shouldn’t be any mystery why I can’t stop crying. I know that sounds a tad dramatic, and it certainly feels that way, too. It’s just that my body isn’t cooperating with the last shreds of logic that tell me there’s nothing serious to be crying about. Well, you know, except for that one thing.
The only thing that’s on my mind is something I don’t have the right to cry about, because I saw it coming from a mile away. Literally, I’ve had years to prepare. But it doesn’t matter. I’m still sad. Even though it offers a chance to reinvent myself – literally my favorite part of living – I am not as pleased as I should be.
I don’t really want to talk about this yet, in part because it hasn’t happened, exactly. It’s in the beginning stages of getting ready to happen. I don’t know yet whether I want to rip off the bandaid or hang on for dear life. I think, given the depth of attachment, I’d prefer to hang on. I’ll let you know what happens. I thought that maybe in this post I’d talk about all of the ways in which I haven’t failed at life, but right now I’m having a tough time digging down to my inner Amazon. Maybe tomorrow.