Summer is officially here, so it’s time to look into my resolutions and see how well I’m doing. I can tell you that today I feel rather hopeless, a little fat, a lot frazzled. I feel stuck, so hoping that going through the resolutions will help me see that I’m on the right track. If not, guess I’ll have to spend my upcoming vacation to NYC reevaluating what I’m doing on a daily basis. I’ve got a pretty good idea of where my major hangup is – particularly with keeping one client that just wears me out, emotionally – but let’s go through these things one by one and see, shall we?

Here’s what I said I’d be doing with my year…

1) Grow my personal freelance business. Back in January, I said, “I want to have a website, pricing structure, service list, and detailed portfolio put together by the end of February 2013…It would be great to be making at least $45k by the end of the year.” In February I was pulling a site together, and was pretty sure that all I needed to do was work out pricing and scheduling. Unfortunately, I’m back to square one. About a month ago, I went to this convention, and while at the convention a lot of great ideas were thrown my way. One of the coolest things to come out of it all was walking away with a thought for a business name, and a new direction for my business. Unfortunately, new business name meant new website, and new website meant new logo, emails, everything else. I’ve got the site, set up the mail, have things kind of together – but no logo, and no design. My design buddy is moving out of town at the end of the week, and he’s put my stuff on the back burner. Which is cool, but a little stressful for me. Not that I’m doing much better. I need to be blogging about marketing stuff daily and setting up a lot more stuff online, but I feel trapped by the lack of a logo and site design. I don’t want to put my name out there until I look good, but I also can’t get anywhere until my name is out there. It’s not really a Catch-22, but it sure feels like one right now.

The other issue that I’m having is that I’m not managing my time properly, and it’s for the most part because I’m unhappy with the direction my current projects are taking. One client pays well, but I really dislike working with her. It’s soul crushing, and I want to stop, but I need the money. Another client is so fun to work for, but he can’t afford to pay me, like, at all. The other client is sweet, and can afford to pay, but not enough to keep me afloat. The stress is eating me alive, and I’m trying hard to convince myself that it will get better, but will it?

2) Expand my marketing prowess. I wanted to, “Become a member of the AMA. Sign up for a social media scheduling and analytics program like Sprout or something similar…Blog about marketing daily.” I’m using Sprout Social, so that’s a big plus. Also, my company won an award for a project for which I was a main contributor (unfortunately, my name wasn’t assigned to the correct title in the award paperwork, so I lost out on getting the correct praise, but that’s a lesson learned). I’ve also been to a convention and have taken to reading a lot more marketing material online. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m working at it.

3) Declare a new personal style. I opined, “It’s time for my clothes to reflect my place in the world. Stat.” Still working on this, but I’m getting there. Love my hair, have started taking more care with makeup and styling, and I spent a few bucks at Banana Republic and picked up some very chic choices. I’m not perfect, but a look is SLOWLY pulling itself together. Today I’m looking a little sloppy though 😦

4) Start seeing a personal trainer! I was seeing a personal trainer for a couple months straight, and was really doing good with this. Then I got sick, then I had a bad sunburn, and one thing has led to another ever since. Now it’s almost a couple of months of me not going to the trainer or the gym on a regular basis, and I’m officially an asshole.

5) Join a marching krewe/dance team. No luck yet, though my friend still thinks she can get me in.

6) Read more. I’ve been doing OK at this one, actually. Could definitely step up my game, but I’m reading a book right now, and I read one a couple of weeks ago, so that’s something.

7) Write more. Doing better at this one. Still need to work much harder at getting some creative writing done on a regular basis. This is where this post starts to really depress me. Seriously, I’m not doing ANYTHING USEFUL with my life, just majorly sucking at everything.

8) Pay off my credit cards. I paid off two of my credit cards back in February, then promptly ran charges up on both of them, despite promising to never put anything on a CC again unless it was a dire emergency. Realizing my idiocy, I just closed all but one CC, and have paid off two of those. I have two more cards to pay off, one of which I assume will get paid off next week. The other one is a big’un, which is partially why I’m so depressed that I can’t quit my client. She’s my only source of income large enough to put a dent in it. This sucks.

9) Stop letting my relationships define who I am and how I act. Here I am, almost six months in, and feeling good about my dating relationship. However, obviously my work relationships could use a lot of work, as they’re definitely creating havoc in my emotional sphere.

10) Travel more! Buy a car! Run longer distances! Downsize my physical possessions! Excel at speaking to people about my professional capabilities! Learn to do something new! Make things! Take my cats to get their teeth cleaned! Go back to Pagan school and learn more!

Going to NYC! No way in hell that’s happening this year! I ran a 10K recently! I’ve been donating/throwing out stuff for months! Uh oh! I cooked a casserole – does that count? Just joined the 30 Days Challenge! Doctor said their teeth are OK, actually! I joined up but haven’t read a damn thing 😦

Just want to crawl back in bed now. Boo.