I’m so unhappy with myself right now. Yes, I know, that sounds really bratty considering where I’m at compared to a few months ago. My life has improved so very much since May! But still, there’s something not quite right with my life. I want, need, and deserve more.

Any critic (including my own mind, and The Man) would be right in telling me that if I want change, I’ve got to make it happen, and I think I’ve done an OK job so far. Just not good enough. Part of that is because I have a hard time separating out all of the things that I like and don’t like about my life. That makes it really tough to pick a goal and go for it. So I’m going to try to do that here.

Things I Want For Myself

1. To be able to run a decent half marathon without injury/chronic pain in under 2hrs and 45 minutes
2. To go to Bikram yoga at least once a day (but hopefully more)
3. To eventually become a Bikram yoga instructor
4. To have defined abs and sculpted arms/thighs
5. To have nice posture, and stop stooping over
6. To have the physical poise and bearing of a model
7. To have the emotional poise and bearing of Hillary Clinton
8. To streamline and organize my life in a way that saves me time and energy
9. To make at least $4k a month as a freelancer
10. To pay off my credit cards
11. To finish learning to swim
12. To become a proficient dancer, and go out dancing twice a month
13. To become a proficient horsewoman
14. To become a photographer, join the NO Photo Alliance, and show my work at galleries
15. To write books
16. To put together a comprehensive plan and write a blog with my friend
17. To stop eating meat forever
18. To start eating mostly vegan meals, and more raw meals
19. To never look at a photo of myself and wince at my thighs again
20. To wear makeup to work every day, and to wear it with skill and artistry
21. To dress stylishly, and stop looking like such a mess all the time
22. To read a book a week
23. To get more freelance business
24. To figure out a business name and create a decent website
25. To wake up early in the mornings
26. To be adored by, and to adore, my significant other
27. To not feel like life is just passing me by
28. To move to a house that’s bigger than a shoebox
29. To get a few more fish
30. To grow my own food
31. To get my scorpion tattoo for my birthday
32. To create a calendar of when I’ll call which friend/family member, so that I can somehow squeeze all the calls in
33. To talk to my grandmother again
34. To call Sonicare and get my toothbrush replaced
35. To call Sallie Mae and get my loan payments reduced

Oh gee. I’m exhausted just seeing this list written out. I wanted to think on this a bit more, but it’s 1am and I desperately need to wake up for yoga at 7:15 tomorrow morning. I’ll attack this after my day of waxing and hair cutting. I’m going to the salon to become a new shell of a girl. After that we’ll see about filling me up with something useful…