Here are a few of my current thoughts:
Current Job Thought: My GM, Ops Manager, and Ops Supervisor are all moving on to new properties, and I’m feeling a little unmoored. I knew that the company encourages movement and promotion, and all of these people are excellent at their jobs, and moving up to great new positions, but it doesn’t help me to not feel a little bit lost and unsure about who my new bosses will be. On the positive side, I’ve used this opportunity to ask my Assistant GM for the chance to explore Ops a little more (knowing that I’m not a fan of Sales, and don’t see myself advancing on the Sales track). Also, I think I might have met the guy who’s going to be my new GM today, and he seems really nice.
Current Silly Crush: Robert Lonsdale, from Chewing Gum, on Channel 4. I love his character, Connor, and I was getting a vibe off of him on screen, but couldn’t find his birthday anywhere (just the year – 1983). Normally when I get this weird about a guy, it means he’s either a Scorpio or a strong partnering sign (Pisces or Cancer, typically, because I tend to really dislike Virgos, in general, even though we’re supposed to be great for each other). And what do you know, his birthday is November 2nd. Sigh. POISON. Like, slow acting poison that will take years to kill me since I’m ridiculously agreeable, but still. (Let’s just ignore the great, wide expanse of real life between this British star of stage and screen and myself, and go with the fantasy for a second – give me that, at least, lol.)
Current Esoteric Train of Thought: Linda Goodman was being way too positive in Love Signs, and even though I am typical, I am also atypical. It’s always been a bit to wrap my head around. I am a Scorpio, so I should be tempestuous and sexual and dramatic, at surface level, a raging sea that people are scared to be excited to throw themselves into. But instead, I’m still and flat. I’m a rip tide. I fool myself with how placid and easy I appear at all times. And to make it even more difficult, like 43% of the time, I actually AM still and flat. Every now and then I make eye contact with someone as they’re talking, and I can tell that I’ve unnerved them. I’m not sure what I’ve done – I’m just paying attention as I always do. And I’m so easy to get along with. I’m inviting and warm and loving; when I connect, I really connect. People think I’m the sweetest girl, because I am. But then sometimes I’m not. And just because you don’t know when I’m not doesn’t mean I was trying to get one over on you. I don’t know which way the wind is going to be blowing from day to day, either. I can somehow know myself so well, but then it turns out that I had no idea at all. I go to sleep happy with everyone, and wake up despairing of ever actually fitting in. And today, I’m feeling a little dramatic. So I’ll just pretend with the people I don’t know, and if they aren’t looking too hard, they’ll never know the difference. And for the rest of you, I just won’t talk until it’s over. That will save us all from heartache. But that’s all of me, so don’t expect any more concessions until we get to the other side, whenever and wherever that might be.
Current Real Life Miracle: I bought this little beauty tool a month or so ago that’s just blowing my mind with how useful it is. If you’re a guy, you probably don’t want to hear this, but girls have facial hair, and as we get older, we get more of it. I’ve been using Sallie Hansen hair removal cream on my upper lip since my second boyfriend pointed out my peach fuzz in 10th grade, but now that I’m in my 30’s, it just wasn’t working out as well as I wanted. Then I grew a few more weird hairs, and freaked myself out so much that I started pricing out electrolysis and laser therapy, which it turns out that I couldn’t actually afford. As a last-ditch effort before saving up for something drastic, I bought something I read about on Amazon, a little spring contraption called the Pixnor Portable Manual Facial Hair Remover, which basically yanks a whole bunch of your hairs out at once in the most basic way possible. I was sold once one of the reviews mentioned that you can do it while watching TV. There are more expensive models, ranging up to $20 or so, but I bought this model for $6, since all of the models are literally just a spring with handles. It’s been great so far; my face is so smooth, and it’s not nearly as painful as getting waxed. Plus, you really can just sit and watch TV and roll the spring over your face to rip out stray hairs. Win win.
Current Daydream: I’m thinking more and more about the desert, and the mountains, and hiking. I wake up and think about it, go to sleep and dream about it. It’s time for me to get out of New Orleans. But what’s weird (and maybe only I’ll understand this, or maybe it’s a human thing? I dunno) is that for me, the ocean and the desert are absolutely the same in my imagination. So I think that maybe when I dream about the ocean, I wake up and think that I’ve been dreaming about the desert, and vice versa. I’m taken with the idea of nature promising me a bigger, better forever than I currently feel like I have a grasp on. Dead jellyfish on the beach in winter, or asshole agave strewn along the path, both fill me with a sense of inevitability, of love as great as I have privately known, tucked deeply into a love affair between me and myself. Perhaps it shows serious damage to dream of the prickly, poisonous things as symbols of true love. But maybe I just yearn to fight my way through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, to the heart of the Goblin City. Do I think I’ll find anyone else there?
Current Laugh: Charlie caught a huge cockroach the other night, after I left the windows open too long following an ill-advised attempt to cook something (read: I burned everything, no one should let me cook, the stove and I are not friends). Anyway, since I was too cowardly to approach the bug to squish it, Charlie played catch and release for at least 45 minutes. Towards the end, I caught him crouched under the side table, growling, the still-live cockroach sticking out of his mouth, little legs wrigging. Charlie’s face and posture were so defensive that I immediately thought of Gollum, protecting his Precious. His eyes were fixed on some point in the distance. My sweet little tiger kitten has grown into a homicidal maniac. I was simultaneously horrified and tickled at the weirdness. Later, I found the cockroach discarded on the floor. Well, half of the cockroach. I’m trying not to think about where the other half went.
Current Happiness: I’m going to bed now. I really should have gone an hour or so ago, but oh well. Time to go curl up with Isabel, and endure Charlie’s ridiculous need to make biscuits on my biceps (Munky sleeps on the fridge, which is fine by me).