A Rough Sketch

The other day I thought of the term “sloth-like intensity” and it made me giggle. When I was in high school, I was Quiz Bowl team captain (both JV and Varsity teams, though we never won, so it doesn’t really say much for my leadership abilities). Though our school’s mascot was a panther, being a crew of nerdy non-athletes, we decided to pick our own mascot for our academic team. The panther just wouldn’t do. Sure, it was fast and graceful, but not at all like us. So we picked the sloth: slow, deliberate, awkward, and more cute than threatening. Our faculty advisor also had a stuffed sloth in her classroom that she’d let us take to meets, so it all worked out perfectly.

Last night I dreamt of that faculty advisor, my favorite high school teacher, Mrs. Cutler. She passed away a few years ago, but I still remember her very fondly. When I was younger, she was kind of an ideal for me: intelligent, well-traveled, well-read, sarcastic, open-minded, and always challenging those around her to come up to her level. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to meet up with her today, were she still alive. Would we be similar? Would we get along? I’ll never know, so it’s pointless to ruminate. But that dream had me wondering.

Today’s Beautiful You prompt (I know! Two in one week – what kind of madwoman am I?) is to describe myself as completely as I can. Since this entire blog is an exercise in just that, I’m changing that to “completely and somewhat concisely”. The point of the exercise is to see that there’s more here than just a body, but I knew that already. Maybe writing it out will make the knowing mean something more than it does at the moment.

Name: Anna
Sex: Female
Age: 33
Height: 5’7″
Skin tone: Fair tending to very pale in winter months, burns easily in summer
Hair: Dark brown, a few grays
Body type: Pear
Introvert or Extrovert: Decidedly Introverted
Meyers Briggs: ISFJ
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Greatest issues: stress, money, work/life balance, wondering if there’s any purpose to life if everything in our government is being run by rich old white people who couldn’t give two shits about everyday folks or our environment, knowing that we’ll kill off most of the animals and run out of potable water before I die, and if that doesn’t happen, surely North Korea is going to luck their way into some useful biological weaponry and usher in a zombie apocalypse or something of the sort, and knowing that if none of these other worries come to pass, there’s still no way to possibly dig myself out of the crippling student loan debt I dug myself into ten years ago short of winning the lottery.

Greatest fears: home invasion, getting captured by a terrorist organization and gang raped before being beheaded, the government getting taken over completely by conservative Christians who strip away all women’s rights and force us to become baby-making machines, getting stuck in a smaller-than my hips cave (the kind you have to wiggle through) so that I’m stuck there and slowly go mad in the darkness before starving to death and/or asphyxiating.

Greatest dreams: to be a writer, dedicate the majority of my time to spiritual study and social projects, have time to spend a portion of each day helping animals, and see the world before I’m too old to travel

Greatest strengths: I’m kind, fair, empathetic, and logical. Great listener. I genuinely care about people – not just friends, but people I meet. I’m capable of assessing others’ emotional states and general tendencies within a short period of interaction, and I’m a good bridge between two people that are having trouble seeing eye to eye, but want to.

Greatest weaknesses: procrastination, needing a lot more sleep than most people seem to (at least 9 to 10 hours a day or I’m useless), self-control re: food, not being a great conversationalist, not much interest in extensively studying/talking about big picture topics like the economy/politics/trends, horrible at math, being introverted enough that going to social engagements for work is terrifying, so it’s hard to network

By day I’m a marketer, and by night, well, I’m still a marketer. I generally sleep about 9 hours a day, commute for 2, work out for 1, spend about 1.5 to 2 cleaning and caring for myself and my cats, and about 10 hours working. I work through the weekend often (though I took much of this weekend off because I needed a mental health break). I am not happy with my life/work balance, but if I didn’t work that much I wouldn’t make enough money to pay my back taxes and student loans, or save up to go to Spain. I kind of hate my life. I’m not miserable, but then again I’m also not happy very often. I’d like for life to be simpler. I dream of owning a tiny house one day. Nothing too extravagant. Maybe I could even tow it to a new town whenever I got tired of the old one. If I didn’t have any outstanding debts and I owned my own home, I could do whatever I wanted with my life. I hate that lives are all about money, and that money, like time, is a completely fictional concept. We are much stupider than the other apes.

Wow, this was depressing. No wonder I spend so much time obsessing about my body. At least it’s within my control. Thinking about the rest of this shit for any amount of time would drive me out of my mind. Back to worrying about shaving a couple of inches off of my waist…

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