Today I’m supposed to talk about my vision for myself. Am I who I want to be? Is the me in my vision something different from the me I currently am? How can I be more confident about becoming the woman I’d like to be?
To be honest, I’m having a lot of trouble with this prompt. I was supposed to answer it yesterday, and just couldn’t. I don’t have just one thing that I’d like to be, or one way that I’d like to act, or one profession that I’d like to practice. I see myself like a movie where there are alternate worlds, and each world has a version of the protagonist. It’s clearly the same actor (me), and some of the character traits remain the same, but the end result is often pretty different. I don’t want to just pick one path and march along it – even in my imagination, this bores me. I guess my actual life doesn’t approach the vision I have for any of these other possible mes, either, so that’s something to consider. But how do I go about picking one vision?
The thing I’d most like to be is debt free. If I had all of my credit cards and back taxes and student loans paid up (yeah, right, like that will ever happen) I wouldn’t have to work so hard, and I also wouldn’t have to be so stressed out about money all the damn time. In my imagination, I’m kind of a freewheeling artist type. I’d love to write books, make origami, and travel. No more 9 to 5 (or in my case 11 to 9). I’d like to do a little bit of marketing, too, but only a couple of projects – helping my best friend get her picture framing business solidly off the ground and thriving, helping my boyfriend market his books, helping my mom sell vintage items on Etsy and Ebay – just the things that I actually care deeply about.
In this perfect imaginary world, half of the work I’d be doing would be self expression, and half would be helping the people I love do the things that they love. I’d spend my free time exploring my connection to the world, and getting down and dirty with my spirituality. The entire package would be so much less stressful, I’d imagine.
I’m not exactly sure if that’s the answer I’m supposed to be giving, but it’s the one I have.