On The Sixth Day Of Detox, My Caffeine Withdrawals Gave To Me…

…a strikingly non-committal headache. This headache is so lame. It’s more like the ghost of a headache; it’s not going to do any real harm, but it will hang around and force out some weak moaning and a bit of chain rattling. It’s so lame that it’s like the headache version of Hugh Grant’s acting versatility. Let’s just leave it at this: I’m annoyed by the flimsy, yet surprisingly cloying, nature of this fucking caffeine withdrawal headache. Give me a decent migraine any day – at least then I don’t have to feel guilty about suffering debilitating pain. Now it’s just me, both bored AND annoyed by that boredom, trying to kick a headache that’s been hovering around like a little Bart Simpson, “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” Ugh.

Other than that, going off of coffee, alcohol, meat, wheat, dairy, and processed crapola has been pretty easy. Weird, right? No cravings yet, unless you count having a dream about eating potato chips while shopping for the perfect po-boy earlier today. The worst bit has been managing expected cravings. You know, when you know you have a social situation coming up, and you have to run through all of the ways your resolve might be tested at said social situation? I’ve been putting myself through mental exercises for all kinds of emotional eating/drinking hazards – the feeling of needing a sandwich when I’m super stressed at work, the feeling of needing a glass of wine after a long day at the office, the feeling of needing a drink just at thinking about hanging out with more than one or two people at a time, the feeling of needing pizza/bread/fried food to be able to watch TV at the greatest level of comfort, what it’s going to be like to be sober at a bar, etc…

Today the headache kind of ruined my plans to hang out with a big group of people who were on a drinking tour of Decatur Street. Typically, I’d be first in line for a bar crawl of that magnitude, especially with those specific people, who’re amazing. But not drinking either of my two favorite classes of beverages kind of puts a damper on fun, and adds a LOT more social anxiety to the mix. I’ve been preparing myself all week for how to handle any situation that I’d come up against, and was kind of looking forward to trying out my resolve. As it turns out, the headache had other plans, and that’s probably good. I only have $20, anyway, and I’m not really sure how much club soda that would get me. And I’d need A LOT. Maybe 15 refills or so to help handle how overstimulated I’d feel in a 50+ person crowd.

So now I’m at home alone, sober and a little hungry, at 10:20 on a Saturday night. My temples are throbbing gently, keeping time to the spin cycle on the washing machine next door. Those bastards have a washing machine! I walked four miles today to get all of my laundry done. FOUR MILES! I’m not actually complaining about the walking – it’s how I work out. But seriously, a washing machine would be golden.

I guess I did forget to mention how tired I’ve been. Part of that is going off of the caffeine, part is (I’m sure) boredom, and I’m guessing that part of it is not having the right combination of nutrients yet. I’m getting in a lot of fresh vegetables, and a good amount of protein, but I’m not sure that I’ve got carbs covered as well as I should. I’m probably going to start supplementing with a daily protein shake to get my carbs and protein both up a bit more. It’s still less than a week in, too. I’m sure just learning how to live without stimulants is confusing my body. A few days ago, I smelled a cup of coffee and my arms went numb. It’s going to be awhile before my body is completely back to normal.


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