It’s one of those days again. One of the days that seem to hit me more and more often, when I wake up with this thought swimming around in my brain that just demands to be heard: “What do you want out of life? What do you want out of life? What do you want out of life?”
On days like this, it’s hard to get a word in edgewise. My subconscious is desperately trying to tell me something. I’m pretty sure it’s that I’m on the wrong track. The problem is that I’m not quite sure how much of what I’m doing is “off.” Is it everything? Is it one thing? Is it most things, or just parts of some things? The key is to listen, but my brain is so stirred up that all I’m getting is a crazed fluttering, like a moth caught in a canning jar, frantically beating its wings against the sides.
I started reading Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom this weekend, and one part really stood out to me. For most women who are not experiencing chemical alteration due to The Pill, the menstrual cycle is broken up into emotional/psychological stages, not just physical ones. I think that most of us are familiar with the concept of getting tired, cranky, or a little depressed during our periods, but there’s much more to it than that. There’s a time of month where we’re supposed to be more energetic and friendly, a time to be attractive and magnetic, a time to be introspective and soulful.
Many women report that this introspective period is when their bodies are telling them important things about themselves, giving them clues and guidance of importance to figuring out life. Artificially controlling the way my body works has also affected the way my intuition behaves. I’ve essentially cut myself off from my inner messenger…since 1999. I’m incredibly sad to have done this. I’m excited to move on and pick up where I left off, even though the shift might be intense and unfamiliar. I’m ready to reconnect with my body, and reconnect with the Universe in a bigger way as a result.
But today I’m just flustered, and fluttering. What do I want out of life? I think that I want to live smaller, and more significantly. I guess my first move in that direction will be getting in touch with my feminine, and reconnecting with my body and mind’s natural creative force. From there I can start taking one significant step at a time – or one significant cut at a time, as I start to cull the things that really don’t matter.
We’re taught that there are things we “must” do to get ahead. Even if you don’t want to do Task X, you must do it in order to achieve anything with your life. But what if that’s exactly the opposite? What if we don’t want to do Task X because we’re supposed to be doing something completely different, and we’re not “lazy” or “unmotivated” for avoiding a task, but rather just intuitive enough to realize there are greener pastures? For instance, I know that to get my company off of the ground, I’m supposed to be blogging on a regular basis about marketing topics. But there’s always something else I “need” to do – like write here.
Is my inability to find the time because I’m a perfectionist and afraid of doing something that’s not perfect? Maybe. But there’s also a chance that I’m just not that interested in creating an “industry leader” persona for myself as a marketer. Or maybe it’s that I’m burned out on handling so many different clients’ accounts for no money, and don’t feel qualified to be a leader since I’m not able to devote enough time to any of the brands I’m supposed to represent. Or maybe the only brand I’m interested in representing right now is my genuine self. I’m not sure. I’m working all of this out literally as I type. And maybe that’s why this blog is always at the top of my honest “need-to-do” list…it’s the only place for me to work through what I want to do with my life, have revelations, and start to fine tune my actions to live a more authentic existence.
Do you listen to your internal guidance system and march to the beat of your own drum? How do you take action and live genuinely? I’d love to know.
2 Comments Add yours
Be easy on yourself. The answer will come when you’re not trying too hard to find it. Take a little time to volunteer for something. I’ve always found that to be an ironically selfish act because you feel so much better when you do.
Ironically, I’m going much easier on myself now than I ever have, in allowing myself to listen to my inner voice rather than blindly follow along with what the world is telling me. One step at a time!
I love the idea of volunteering, too. I think one of my major problems that directly affects my mental and physical health is working 80+ hours a week at way too many jobs for rock bottom pay. Hopefully in my next major life shift, I can get one job that pays me enough to work a 40-50 hour work week, and then use some of the time I’ve saved volunteering.
My ultimate goal is to actually work in events & fundraising for a non-profit – I’d LOVE to help the world for a living! But that’s a musing for another post 😉