For this week’s challenge, I chose a paragraph from my most popular blog post by far, a silly instructional about how to pop microwave popcorn on the stove. (Don’t look at me – I’m as mystified by that as you.)
Unfortunately, soon after buying the microwave, we discovered that though it’s technically big enough to pop a bag of popcorn, as the microwave tray spins, the popcorn bag moves slightly. This causes the bag to get stuck against the wall of the microwave, stay in one place, and either burn the popcorn or just pop about half of the bag. Both of these outcomes make me very angry, but if I had to choose, I’d say that a half-popped bag of popcorn ticks me off more. The Man still insists on buying microwave popcorn and attempting to pop it, but I tend to leave the room when he does for fear of my head actually exploding if I have to hear him explain one more time that I’m just imagining that the bag is half-full. This as the tell-tale errant kernels clang to the bottom of his popcorn bowl…argh.
After buying the microwave, we discovered that it is too small to pop corn. The tray spins, but the popcorn bag does not, either burning or only half-popping the corn. Both of these outcomes disappoint, but the former is more frustrating. Still, The Man insists on making microwave popcorn, saying that I’m imagining the popping problem. His inaccuracy is betrayed by the tell-tale clang of kernels in his bowl.
We bought a small microwave, later finding that it either burns or only half-pops popcorn. Both outcomes disappoint, but the former is worse. Still, The Man insists on making microwave popcorn, saying I’ve imagined the problem. The un-popped kernels prove his error.
4 Comments Add yours
I like the first post the best. More personality, more body and much more fun. Great editing job, though! Somehow, it takes all the magic away…
Same here. Call me old fashioned, but flowery & descriptive is so much more fun! 🙂
I have to agree with the other comments, I preferred your original paragraph. The edit tales away the personality of your piece.