I’m always in a state of flux. Who isn’t, though, really? I can’t imagine living a life that I wasn’t constantly trying to improve upon. My ideal self is a strong, noble, thoughtful adventurer who has potent dreams, invents whole new universes, and constantly strives to make the world better for those around her. Call me crazy, but I don’t think that it’s necessarily impossible to become that ideal woman.
So since there are always a million and one things going on in this head, and since many of them are silly time wasters, I’m going to start taking notes here in a little series about changing my life. Some thoughts are going to be shallow, and some will be much more important. This series is a place to keep all of the layers that I want to tack on to make myself my perfect onion. Or egg cake. Or croissant. You know, the perfect thing with lots of delicious layers 🙂
First thought – I don’t like having a lot of jobs. I feel like my brain is slowly being ripped apart with those little cocktail forks that they keep out on frou frou buffet tables. It’s unpleasant. It makes me unpleasant. I feel like I’m malfunctioning, like my motherboard might be melting. It makes me inefficient and recalcitrant, to boot. I don’t mind having a handful of clients, under one umbrella, but the multiple umbrellas and 18 hour work days is not working. My new goal is to be employed by one company, to work 40 to 50 hours a week on average, and to have a little more peace of mind.
Second thought – I need more money. Today I went to the movies, and also splurged on a midday pancake breakfast at this diner that makes humongous pancakes. Total bill for my outing was $20, and now I’m officially broke for the foreseeable future. I’m so very tired of all of my money going to pay for student loan debt, credit card debt, and taxes. True, I should have thought of that before going to college (conveniently also the home of the CC debt), but I didn’t. Sue me. Now my only road to maybe getting to see a double feature one day is to make more than $35k a year. So that needs to happen, and asap.
Third thought – I want to make enough money at my day job that instead of working on the weekends, I can start devoting my time to serving a charity. I want to give back to the world, but am already giving away half of my marketing work for free. Pro bono, to people who need help but can’t afford it. So I guess that’s charity work…hmm. But whatever – it’s not worthy charity work. I want to be helping people get access to clean water, or housing, or food, or after-school art classes. Free marketing because you’re too cheap to pay me and think that my time isn’t worth as much as yours is not the same thing at all.
Fourth thought – I hate this couch. I want a new one. And I want to find an empty lot with friendly neighbors who will let me set this one on fire and dance around it. I would gladly rent a UHaul just to get to take this thing outside of city limits where they’ll look the other way if you want to build a bonfire.
Fifth thought – I also highly dislike my current neighborhood. There was a murder about seven blocks away two days ago, along the route I usually run in the evenings. One more running path off of my list gives me nowhere to run except the gym, now. Living here is just wearing me out, in more ways than one.