The glass is always half full. Even when it’s empty, it will still be half full. If I can stay on my feet, all alone, for 26.2 miles, through nearly blinding, completely self-induced pain, there’s not much else that should keep me down in day-to-day living, right? That’s what I tell myself. I know that the Universe is not out to hurt me; I am only being taught the lessons I came here for in the first place.

So why is it that things are going pear-shaped lately? What can I do? I thought I was being as positive as possible, but I see that it’s not working out, no matter how much I try. It’s because I’m going against my nature now, and nature will not be contained. The heart is the heart, and the head has no right of way when the route has been chosen.

I’m just digging in right now and hoping for the best. Maybe it’s wrong to stand against the tide. I don’t know. I have a feeling that when the dam breaks, my life will change in a lot of ways, all at once. I’m suffering now, shrinking away into myself more every day. When my soul stops letting my rationale be in charge, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle the losses.

I’m too old for this bullshit.