Dudes, you must be tired of me giving up and starting, over and over again. I sure as hell am. But here I am, the girl who had cookies for breakfast AND dessert yesterday, reconfirming my plan to lose this weight. I actually did Zumba a few times this week, and also ran a few times this week, too, so I’m not a complete loser. However, I’m just letting time get away from me, and not concentrating hard enough on where the weight is going, when, and how.

Yesterday I watched this cool show on Hulu that I think aired originally last year, called Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. I watched Episode 2, in which a guy who weighed over 400 lbs worked with a personal trainer for an entire year and lost over 200 lbs. Watching that, seeing how very hard this guy worked and how amazing he felt at the end, made me feel guilty for how very undedicated I’ve been. At one point the trainer said something to the effect of: “If you want to lose the weight, you will. If you don’t, you won’t – it’s that simple.” I just groaned inwardly, because of course that’s true. I’ve just got to WANT it more, and I’ve got to figure out what it is about the end result that I most want, and just concentrate on that all the damn time until I reach my goal.

A few years ago, I lost quite a bit of weight by aiming at burning a certain amount of calories a day, and keeping a calendar that showed my weight every single day on my refrigerator. At the time I wasn’t concentrating on eating a balanced diet, so when I got to my goal weight and started eating well again, the weight came right back. I think I’m going to re-adopt the calendar idea, as well as aiming for a certain amount of burn every day. What I’m not going to do is start eating too little for the day. Instead, I’m going to keep concentrating on doing activities that lead to a proficiency in something – like swim lessons to learn to swim for my friend’s wedding this summer, running to get better at running 5K races, Zumba to get better at dancing/looking graceful on stage when I’m singing with my band, and more arm and ab exercises to look better in dresses. I’ll also make a bigger effort to not eat any crap food…only real stuff, and more raw fruits and veggies.

Gonna start all this over tomorrow, as well as keeping up with my day’s diet via Spark.com. It’s a hassle to put every single thing I eat into the computer, but if that’s what I’ve got to do to get a handle on myself, that’s what I’ve got to do.