Today’s Weight: 158.2 lbs.
It’s hard to believe that I’ve cleared my first major hurdle and finally made it into the 150’s. Don’t get me wrong, I know this kind of drop is too good to be true, and that I’ll probably fluctuate back and forth for awhile, but just making it under 160 for one weigh in is a joyous occasion in my book.
I did end up making it to two Bikram classes last night. They were back-to-back classes, and for the first 20 minutes of the second class, I thought I might not stay on my feet. The weird thing was that I realized after a while that the only reason I was feeling weak was because I thought I should. Once I started taking a moment to assess my body and surroundings, it was kind of like how I felt when training for a marathon a few years ago. I was surprised to feel that I was actually feeling pretty good, pretty strong. My arms hurt like hell, but that’s just because I’ve got jello for biceps. That’s changing.
When you let your fear control you, ‘No I can’t’ becomes your mantra. But when you relax and let go and just determine to keep breathing and stretching until there’s an actual warning sign, you can endure for a much longer time. It’s so easy to be scared and give up because your body is talking to you. We spend so much time just ignoring our body’s messages that when we’re forced to really pay attention, it can be scary. It can be cause for giving up…that’s why so many of us have a hard time exercising. It’s not fun because we’re forced to communicate with a part of ourselves that we’ve spent the majority of our lives trying to ignore for the most part.
Something a few of the teachers at my present studio say often is “because you can” – “Fall out of the position? Just pick up where you left off. Do it because you can.” I love that simple notion. It’s how I got through 26.2 (and will again one day), and it’s how I’m going to lose this weight and get in great shape. Because I CAN. I’ve given up on so many small dreams because I was too scared to face failure. I’m tired of that, and if yoga is the only place I can face this fear and destroy it, then that’s what I’m going to do. Come hell or high water, I’m going to be a yogini. From there, I’ll keep adding on to my list of dreams I’ve let wither away, like taking horseback riding lessons, and learning to swim. Because I can.
I’m headed back to class tonight. Only one class, though. I still have two to make up, but tonight’s going to be about nurturing myself, eating a hearty, protein & carb-rich meal, then getting a great night’s sleep. If I feel up to it on Friday, I’ll double up on classes again.
Another great thing that’s happened is that my Standing Bow has made huge improvement over the last few days. One of the teachers pointed out that I wasn’t setting up my posture as well as I could from the beginning, and showed me a small change, and now I’m much closer to getting my torso in line with the floor when I go down. Maybe I’ll have someone take a picture at some point to post here. Maybe not until I look a little cuter in my yoga shorts, though, lol!