When you’re possibly the least motivated person in the world, with a huge procrastination problem, chances are you’re bound to put on weight at some point. Up until now, I’ve managed to avoid going over a healthy weight limit. I’m not quite sure how I did it, really, other than lucking into a pretty decent metabolism. After all, all of my relatives are overweight, with the exception of my grandfather and a really skinny great-uncle. My father’s been losing weight lately, going from around 400 lbs to the 290 range over the last few years, as a result of medication for a condition he didn’t know he had. I think he’s also a little less stressed, which is kind of funny considering that my gradual stress buildup has occurred basically around the same time that his started going down. At any rate, over the last 11 years I’ve gained 30 lbs, and 20 of those have got to GO. NOW. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just get the hell off of my thighs!

I am 29 years old, and am 5′ 7.5″ tall. I currently weigh 165 lbs, up 10 lbs from this time last year. As a result, my current BMI is 25.1, which officially places me in the ‘Overweight’ category for the first time ever. All of my jeans take extra time to get into (other ladies will understand the intricacies of the ‘Jumping Wiggle Zip’ dance), my two favorite dresses won’t button up anymore, a new dress I bought a few months ago fits everywhere just fine except for the horrible chaffing to my newly pudgy upper arms, and worst of all, I’ve had to move up a size in underwear. My bras are starting to hurt, too, but I’m not dropping $50 apiece on new push-ups just yet. I could blame this on being sedentary, but the fact is that I’m both sedentary and an emotional eater. When I’m happy, sad, bored, angry, or stressed, I self-medicate with food. I always have, and probably always will unless I get a handle on this issue right now.

My problem has nothing to do with not enjoying exercise. On the contrary – I love Bikram Yoga and running, and if I could do both every day, I would. In fact, I have enough time to do both every day. I find myself making up excuses for why I can’t participate in these activities, whether it’s that I’m too tired to wake up for class, or I have too much work to do, or am feeling run down, blah, blah, blah. I even tell myself I can’t go running because it’s a better idea to order pizza and watch a movie. Yes, sadly, this tactic works. I know when I’m lying to myself, but for some reason I keep doing it. That also has to stop. It’s begun affecting a wide swath of my life, from my pursuit of spiritual matters, to job performance, to my ability to get together with friends.

In short, my life is suffering right now, and I feel stranded and alone. All I can do is complain, but that doesn’t do much but make me feel guilty for being a whiner who can’t get her shit together.

So this is where I take my stand. I turn 30 in 110 days, 8 hours, and 32 minutes. Between now and then I WILL:

• Lose 20 lbs.
• Fit into a Size 8.
• Get on a daily/weekly exercise schedule.
• Stop eating crap foods that I know only hurt me.
• Learn how to stop procrastinating and stay motivated.

Every day I will post my weight, what I’ve eaten, my exercises, and how I’m feeling. I’ll also take photos and measurements once a week and post them, too. I’ll keep track of my struggles, and overcome them. I’ll also post images, quotes, and thoughts that help me rise above my petty difficulties of all kinds. I will turn 30 with the body and resilience I want and have been too conflicted to attain. In the mean time, I’m going to start posting this on Facebook and Twitter, to shame myself into taking action.

Btw, I anticipate some of you will be irritated with me for writing this blog. I only hope that you will understand that this is a problem I am calling out for myself, and not for anyone else. I don’t ask for you to agree that I need to lose weight (even though being overweight puts me at risk of heart disease, diabetes, and a host of other problems, not to mention having no energy, feeling about as attractive as an old shoe, and slowly losing my mind, as I am now). I only ask that you not freak out on me for trying to better myself, and keep your negativity to yourself. I have more than enough negativity to go around, and could really use my wonderfully bitchy, opinionated friends’ abundance of energy to help me counteract my natural tendencies.

Oh, and no, I won’t be eating carrot sticks. I really hate carrot sticks.