Compass & Quill

One of my favorite celebricats is Henri, the morose French philosopher cat who stars on his own YouTube channel. Of his short films, his Halloween appearance, “L’Haunting” is my favorite. There’s this wonderful line about how people never dress up as anything truly frightening – like crippling self doubt. Of course he’s right, but it’s also very funny. Here, take a look:

Today’s Daily Post prompt asks us what we’re truly frightened of, and for me at this very moment, the self doubt has it. It’s not that I’m scared of self doubt, it’s that self doubt creates and strengthens fear, but it’s all part of the same equation. In the end, I’m frozen in place, chewing on the possibilities – or the possibilities chewing on me, I haven’t decided yet.

From an outsider’s perspective, the situation probably seems easy – drop the baggage and move on. But it’s always been hard for me to see if my actions are truly helping me move forward, or are just causing pain to others that will eventually rebound into my own life. Loyalty is extremely important to me, and when I see that people are trying their best to support my goals, even if that effort doesn’t initially seem good enough for me, I still feel compelled to see it through. I’ve delivered my complaints and reasoning, and have been met with 100% improvement on The Man’s part. He’s listening to me, saying the things I need to hear, watching his tone of voice, pouring my wine, kissing my wounds, and overall being a very close version of what I wanted him to be years ago. It’s up to me to decide if the change is enough, soon enough, and still valid. At first inspection, I’m not responding well to the change. It’s not pushing the buttons that it would have a few years ago. But giving up is not something to be done lightly, especially after having been together for so many years.

It’s also my duty to try to wrap my head around what part of my unhappiness is due to internal conflicts that have nothing to do with The Man, what part of it has to do with selfishness, what part of it has to do with misguided loyalty to others, and most of all, how my vocation and geographic location impact my sense of urgency. It’s a lot to take in, chew up, spit out, and take one last look at after that.

So is this crippling self doubt? Undoubtably. But is being hobbled always a bad thing, if it helps one to be fair? I don’t know the answer to that. Not yet, anyway.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

1. The inequality in Gender Equality: A simply case of “Ladies First” | I am Mike Obiora
2. Frightening | The Magic Black Book
3. Daily Prompt: Fright Night | Under the Monkey Tree
4. Eek! Agggh! “Splat!” | Anniemation Floe
5. Cut it off.. | ayimas
6. Fright | The Nameless One
7. FRIGHTENING | thinkerscap
8. Light Scatters Fright … | Eyes to Heart
9. Fear is for Sissys | mostlytrueramblings
10. For A Drink I Can Conquer The World | The Jittery Goat
11. Daily Prompt: Fright Night | Awl and Scribe
12. Maybe If You Paid Me | sayanything
13. Afraid of the dark? | vicariously in love with you
14. Afraid of the dark? | vicariously in love with you
15. Frightening | JC Bride ~
16. Are you afraid of the dark yet? | vicariously in love with you
17. Fear takes baqckseat | crookedeyebrows
18. Daily prompt: Fright night | ferwam
19. alone | not4faintheartsblog
20. “Fright Night” | Relax
21. The little red shovel #philippines #poetry #dpchallenge | Moondustwriter’s Blog
22. Standing up to fear | alienorajt
23. The Daily Prompt: Fright Night | The Land Slide Photography
24. Daily Prompt: Fright Night | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
25. Hi, My Name is H. I Am an Acrophobe (Among Other Things) | Running Feet, Wandering Mind
26. Fear-fall | Daily Prompt | Word Disorder
27. Let Me Down | Kansa Muse
28. Scary Adventure… | Haiku By Ku
29. Scared | Life is great
30. Moments Of Fear | Flowers and Breezes
31. Scary rides | A mom’s blog
32. Stolen bests | shame
33. Why you won’t see me skydiving any time soon! | Tales of a slightly stressed Mother!
34. A vampire in the fridge | MC’s Whispers
35. Oh, Henri! How Right You Are… – Compass & Quill
36. I’m Afraid To Get Gay-Married
37. Rhetoric of fear | Historiefortelling
38. Two Things I Fear the Most….(wp daily prompt) | Daily Observations
39. What is Surfer Rob so scared of? | Rob’s Surf Report
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