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Sorry to have been away for so long. I needed time to think.

Things have changed drastically over the last two years. My last few blog posts here in 2019 and 2020 were somewhat prophetic. In particular, on March 10, 2019, I wrote that I’d had a dream I’d met someone who was a bit chubby, with curly hair, a big nose, and eyes that crinkled kindly. He was starting over again, and had a positive outlook and protective nature.

When I wrote that post, I had been single for years. In September of 2019, I met my partner, and in the moment our eyes met I felt this overwhelming relief. It literally felt like, “oh good, there you are, finally!” Many aspects of my dream had been spot on, from his physical characteristics to the way he always makes me feel protected and cared for. Weirder still, his birthday is March 13th. My father passed away on March 28th of 2019, and I sometimes wonder if this dream came when it did as a kind of lifeline of hope from the Universe, a convergence of my partner’s spirit guides and mine lining up to give us a nudge to not give up just yet.

COVID-19 came to Louisiana the next Mardi Gras, following a scary dream I had about death and face masks in late January 2020, and it changed everything. I can’t help but feel incredibly lucky that my partner and I met the way we did, when we did. The pandemic has been difficult, but the things that would have possibly broken me, had I been on my own, instead have given me strength and flexibility.

When my partner and I met, he was just starting a business, and I had just gotten a promotion in a field that I thought would surely be my life’s career. I was living alone in a tiny apartment in the city with my cats, and he was living in a three-bedroom house in the suburbs with his dogs. We couldn’t have imagined that a few months later, a pandemic would cause me to lose my job and apartment, all sources of business would dry up for him, we’d move in together with our crazy animal families, and we’d spend months dreading disease, death, and the collapse of the government while growing closer and supporting each other through all of the highs and lows.

Somehow we not only managed to survive, but to grow with each other through all of this chaos. Things are better today than they’ve ever been. And that has me thinking about something that’s always been at the back of my mind, but never adequately explored–home. What is it? Where is it? Is it a place? A person? A feeling? What does it mean to have it? What does it mean to search for it? What does it mean to lose it?

When I started this blog many years ago, I named it Compass and Quill in honor of searching for my place in the world. Somewhere along the way, I lost the narrative, but not the impulse. I have been looking for home for my whole life, and never truly believing that I’d find it. For forty years now, I’ve felt at times shipwrecked and at others cast adrift, but have ignored all of the moments where my ship was doing exactly what I needed it to do. Have I had home and lost it? Have I kept it without being aware? Or was I just on my way somewhere all this time?

I think it’s time to tell myself another story, and see things from a new perspective, so I’m going back to the beginning. Let’s talk about what home is, and could be, together. Physical, mental, spiritual, relational, whatever it is that home has been over the annals of time, let’s take a look and see. Who knows where we’ll end up?

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Aileas says:

    I’m glad you’re back and feeling good, dear. While we are facing all this terrible destruction and chaos with no end in sight, with millions of people losing their home, their country, their families, the significance of “home” has increased dramatically..In my opinion, home is where you feel safe, and when that safety is gone, home is gone, too. But we, as vulnerable, human beings are incredibly adaptable and creative, so we’ll make ourselves a new home, where we are welcome and loved. Life can be a challenge, a long and winding road, but we walk it to the end. Together, watching out for each other and caring. All my best wishes to you and your partner. Be happy, be loved and stay safe! ❤

    1. Nova says:

      Thank you Aileas. I’m glad to be back. I could comment an entire new blog post on your comment, but will save my thoughts for now. To think that so much of our insecurity in this world comes from fighting over whose home this is! It’s insanity. I think you’re right that we’re adaptable and creative; with the proper support, we can always start over and rebuild, knowing that home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. But oh, the damage inflicted by those who would rather destroy other people’s lives in an attempt to steal their homes, rather than just figure their own mental and emotional issues out…

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